He was leaving, without certainty of returning

These words and scenes being replayed

in her mourning.

These words he stated

perhaps hurt her more than him.

words that were supposed to be sad

yet he uttered 'em in regular tone like that

sounded so excruciating,

while she's there, ready to give him everything

her heart strings were pulled too hard

If it is not yet ripped apart.

Few days straight, tears overflown

unknowing the source of her emotion

Dysfunctional without a clue 

which direction to move 

She thought, 

she was ready to hear about anything

yet, she was lost in the sudden piercing  

Her heart explode, All bets are off

As he said....

Personal problems?

I have thought of the impossible scenarios in my head

and dreamt of how I would plan to react.

so, imagine if the unthinkable suddenly manifest

one morning.

The heart beats too loud, too fast, it's blasting, 

running in circles while breath were shortening

in disbelief, these hands were shaking, 

leaving me in blank

 of what I should do next.

I might blurted something stupid, but that is honesty 

and if that made you giggle, then I am happy 

to take you further to know this side of me

as I've decided not to loose you eventually 

yes, it is troubling and overflowing

yet, I wouldn't call it 'problems' as it is a blessing 

if it is scarcely 

where did I find the strength and ability  

to safeguard this sweetness, in all this intricacy 

buoying that warmth wrapped in the softest silk 

enclosed in my heart

protecting it with all I've got  

protecting it, even from me. 

"I prefer to be close to you"

I would never how it will be, working with someone that I love.

I can't mix work with love, it never works. 

Love bring so much energy 

within, the urge to protect 

none will be able to think objectively

Yet,

Loving, gives power to want to defend its existence

Including staying away and protect it from my self, 

to be able to keep the feelings pure and unconditional

The door is closed for me.    

yet it leaves a power to move on

to leave all Quietly and peacefully.

I am glad I don't have the courage 

to say it on your face.

I am glad I am reserved. 

And you don't ask every meaning of my every word.  

When I said...

 

and That Fills Me...

 

I fell in to your form of emotion

that tunes in to mine effortlessly 

feeding the aspect of me,  

where I sense its lacking

Form of sweetness of  emotions

accumulating and expanding

as they anticipate 

on ways you would express next 

Because those are beautiful

more than you can see.

strumming gently with softness 

that melts perfectly 

I would wait like a good girl

So when it's quiet outside

I'd start listening to my heart

and I heard them loud, longing for you

This is not a first, 

that I want to depend, I'd cried 

I guess that is how much, I wanna rely

the expectations which I had yet recognized

kept filling me, until the lid blew up

Somehow when you speak, and that is rare

it reaches straight to my heart

since it is real words you speak

there is depth in each that I wanna trust

it would be too much to forfeiture 

time, energy and emotion

it is illogical, to ask to put oneself in misery 

if amidst a lot of options 

I still want him to solely wait for me 

I would not want to see you lonely 

I would not want to claim you in agony

as cliche as it is, "I want you to be happy"

I would not be proud of, sacrificing some one for the name of love

 

although  I have set my trust and hope

to the only one that I'd let through my world

and for you...

Running out of reason

It seems I know you from the past.

but how can I not.

perhaps what is imprinted in my brain

for thousands of years all over again,

is what you are as a man.

It is not karma or  destiny

De javu nor reincarnation

it is not fabricated emotion

crafted for my convenience  

as on every stage everything falls to place

imprints buried in my neurons

lights up as I recognize a pattern

fitting perfectly inevitably agree

I AM RUNNING OUT OF REASON

as the most natural thing happens

 

Love Is...

I wanna make your morning coffee 

I wanna warm you more under the blanket

I wanna round my arms pull you closer

 greet you with a peck on your neck

I wanna love you, and make sure you know you are loved

I wanna make you feel complete and fulfilled

Satiated and content

And because I can't give you all of that, 

I will back down and give a chance,

To someone else who could give you all that

Like the way I could. 

No matter how I much I would.