"I don't want it to get complicated"

"Of course, I want to F you my Dear, if not, not even love could fix that" - Unknown.

How lust takes an important part of romantic life, yet, at a wrong turn, lust, could be meaningless.
Although, a connection of that depth supposed to mean something.

So, everything else, outside the circle of marriage, that keeps no promises, needs no effort nor  commitment. Do we call it, ourselves, an object of lust? Curiosity? Obsession? or boredom?

Nobody wants to get hurt like that.
Yet they reasoned, "I don't want it to get complicated".

Were you not trying to digest at least, your own feelings at the first place? The feeling of attraction. Maybe wondering whether it is mutual? Wondering what to say, if not planning strategies of what to do next?

Were those not you, from the very beginning, trying to projects your own complex emotion on to someone, yet now you dare to say: "I don't want it to get complicated".

That is why I prefer to observe, I guess.
To acknowledge these complications, as complications. To give no chance for other to brush it off with "I don't want it to get complicated". And treat it as if it was nothing.

Among other things, drowning in my own complications of wondering why, those imperfections looks so perfect on you. Valuing them at the most, unafraid of being complicated.

Which makes me wonder,
whether  "I don't want it to get complicated" is actually another way to say "I don't love you".

Don't Fall for Words

Who would talk about love nowadays.

Exactly.

We live in a world where 'Love' could no longer be held as guarantee.
Thus it is not advised to fall in love with words, but instead, fall with real actions.

But he had me at; "The opposite of love is indifference" and these are not even his own words.

Perhaps it was the setting of the place that taken me aback.
That morning, no body expected to be lectured about love in such manner. But there you were, in front of thirty something people, reprimanding us, loud and clear about love.

I've had  my fair lessons of love. Most of them are in a harsh way. I know I had to call it a quit, when he started to be indifference. When we stop fighting, and just, don't care. Not even care to argue it out.

No matter how many tireless efforts were made, messages, miscalls, recorded voices,
only to be responded with silence, as if the other party is actually enjoying the agony caused by it.
That is the real meaning of  indifference for me.

But there you were, saying those words, as if you have gone through it.
As if you too, have your share of bitter experience that made you rely on those words, to take your decision.

The Minds Journal quoted:
"When reading, we don't fall in love with the characters' appearance.
We fall in love with their words, their thoughts and their hearts. We fall in love with their soul".

One Year Later

One year later.

One year later.

One year later. I gave it a year to know if this is real.

Because one doctor said, a neurosurgeon said that...

"Romantic feelings, in a packaging of thousand of narrations, made up before copulation,
only last for six to eight months at the most." -dr. Ryu

Such a short period for something that we wished would last forever. 

So, I have waited for a year. To know how long can I go until I replace you with another fantasy.
And it is not that I haven't tried. Movie star, political figure, to a character in manga.
I have tried it all, haven't I.

But I am still in here to know, how long can I go on this quiet journey, without doing, saying anything, without taking chance to make the first move, to take the initiative like I always do.

I might be in an experiment to see what would eventually happen, if one only rely, a hundred percent on serendipity. What would manifest. What could be conveyed only with long stares.
Without words and nothing to be conveyed, what could be understood.

...and it turns out to be a very interesting experience for me. Exploring my self, my emotions, my drive.
And sometimes, I sense your faint reaction. Puzzled, intrigued. Yet, you kept quiet.
Threading carefully  in carrying out the 'experiment' of trying to observe each other.

It has been one year for me.

How long has it been for you, recently.