Brave decision

I am pretty proud of my self, having being able to make a quick yet painful decision on the spot, despite of realizing how miserable I will be afterwards, and unknowing if I had the strenght to survive this out.

At the moment, I know that was the right decision. Although my heart was filled with jealousy, hurt, envy and feeling of being deceived and treated unfair. I wanted justice, I wanted answer. But I just knew that it was either saving my pride and what's left of it in calm manner or, going down histerically with just the same exact result. 

I am glad I chose to shut up and carried on with my life, walked away choosing the other path, focusing on what I could improve on my self. 

It was hell of a journey and the first one month was hard. I cried and hurt everyday. I tried not to hate my self and replaying the scenes in my head, assuring that despite of this unpleasant result, I did everything fairly, honestly and by the book.

My knight was there with me through it. He knew I had been crying, tried his best to understand and made me feel better. I was faking it pretending I was Okay. And he saw me through and assisted in his own ways. 

Now, I am glad I didn't waste my time, prolonged the unnecessary pain and was able to do a quick, clear cut, without letting me falling further & deeper into toxicity.

I am in a better place compared to a month ago. Glad I made that brave, mature, logical decison, which unfortunately, some responsible adults failed to make. They chose to follow their lust, unable to control their feelings and emotion in check. 

I am so proud of my self that I am able to rise through it, coming out with a better me, despite of my lack of experience. I was able to do what is right, following my gut. I was honest with my self. I let my self experienced all the pain and crawled through it. 

I was at my lowest point of life and difficult time. And that person, added misery on top of it. Despite of the trust I put and how I let him inside my days. But atleast now I know how unreliable, unstable and immature that person is. 

Did he think he worth that much that he could switch, walkaway and comeback as he likes. I am glad my pride didn't let my worth fall that low. I am glad time shows me that. 

I still have to carry on. 

Last

 Your everspinning thoughts 

perfectly challenges mine

Intriguing discussion daytime

makes you sleep better after nine

You know I'm the one

who'd keep your mind busy

If you're gonna share a lifetime

Why wouldn't spend it with me

couldn't lie to yourself either?

this one's particular?

Go further?

Next life, maybe.

 

Tell me again,

the story about when 

the turqoise wave crash the corals

& the wind harshly whispers

Sighing into serenity

that supposed to make you happy

yet, you still look around for he

& suddenly felt empty

tell me that tale,

through the vacant stare

Over a cup of tea

See you in next life baby

Promise me, 

Next life you’d recognize these hazel eyes faster 

They stare empty without you, yet glitters 

as you come & stand closer

Coz three years ago, you failed to remember

Went separate ways, when we shoulda been together

Could’ve ended the cycle

The Storm

 

Get ready the storm is coming.

All hell break loose, flooding

Been holding it inside anticipating

About time to let the waves crashing.

Hold on to whatever sanity left

It's better than having regret.

Let me through without any sense

Truth shall prevail, with the consequence

If I were her

I wouldn't wanna loose u either 

I'd be enraged to find out

If u're seeing other

Did I get u in trouble?

How should I know that u'r with her

u're the one suggesting dinner

If only I were, one year earlier 

by urside sooner

I wouldn't be the one 

Who'd gotten over

The truth to come

 Wish I could put a spell and kiss your cheek

So that you'd peacefully fall asleep. 

I've always been yours, I will tell you why

But could you wait for a little while?

I have a strong reason to be with you

Reason that no one could deny

You'll see, when I explain it through 

The fate we don't need to defy.

Trust me, I understand your gloomy & fog

The connection we have is too strong

So close your eyes, remember you're precious & loved

Because being with you, is like coming home

The Love of my Life

 

I wanna go with him

To the planetarium of R18

Watching fake constellations

projected to the dome 

Gigling awkwardly on how weird

Love story of the Greek

I wanna go with him

To the book-and-bed

To sniff on paperbacks

Finding treasures on the rack

And perhaps a lil nap

What about ice cream 

On our way home?

The one with warabi toppings

On a waffle cone.

We don't even have to hold hands

Just a bow to eachother at the end

And promise of more conversation

Next time we meet again.

LOL

 Gasp for air, girl...

 Between your sniffle

 Lower your voice as you sob.

 Just keep typing those fonts

 She'll keep a secret afterall

 Typing 'LOL', as you bawl,

 Play that song on repeat

 Let 'em flow without lid.

 Taste 'em as much as you get,

 on the corner of your lips

 The saltiness of life, a play of fate.

 It's gonna tug,

 the strings of your heart

 Hold on to whatever,

 blanket or sofa corner

 And, get ready at my mark.